u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to have your abortion
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
