I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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