I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
