so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
