On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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