I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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