I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
