you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dicks are not precious.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
