Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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