so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
