I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
