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So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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