Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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