on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
