Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They took my balls.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
