walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
