I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
