Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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