I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
