there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
