If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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