watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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