I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Houston, we have a blender
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
