He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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