Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
