Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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