Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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