Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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