like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Couch. On fire.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
