But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
