I wannas sexs uuuuu
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
