My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
