you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
