woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
