My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
