I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
