cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
