I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
