Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
