even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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