You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
