I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
