Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
