My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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