Already got asked if we're dating
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
