In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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