In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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