she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
