pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
