Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
