does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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