do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
