plz talk dirty to me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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