Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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