Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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