Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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