This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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