does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
