i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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